no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
