I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
