He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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