I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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