If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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