can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
