Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
