i barfeds in our rink
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
