I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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