why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
