Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
