The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
