Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
