the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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