Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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