you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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