when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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