Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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