Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
