i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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