just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize