He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
