Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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