Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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