Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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