It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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