oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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