is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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