I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
