Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
