idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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