why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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