im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
