The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
