I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
