..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
