Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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