i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
