How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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