My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
