I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
