So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
