Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
