Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

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(773): View more from Illinois

There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?

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(562): View more from California

You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"

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