OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
