the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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