he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
