I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
