Tell her she can't have a vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
