A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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