she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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