The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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