Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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