this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
