remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
