Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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