Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
