don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I lost the right to judge tonight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
