help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize