I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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