As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
