I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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