Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
