you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize