You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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